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Negative self-talk is the #1 self-sabotaging behavior that high achievers—and high-achieving women specifically—engage in subconsciously.
And what does that mean for our businesses?
Without even realizing it, we say things that don’t serve us—so we get things that don’t serve us.
And we get in the way of our own success.
Luckily, Mindset Mastery coach (and all-around fantastic human) Mindi Huebner is on this week’s episode of the Energize Your Online Business podcast.
Mindi is sharing how to recognize and rewire these destructive unconscious thoughts, starting with a simple question swap and walking us through how we can get curious about who we’re being and how we can make choices about who we want to be.
If you want to show up as the best CEO of your business you can possibly be, Mindi is here to guide you there.
Looking for closed captioning or a transcript? Watch the episode on YouTube!
A Sneak Peek at the Episode
[05:30] Mindi works in the subconscious, so that you can align your conscious behaviors with your subconscious beliefs—everything that is underneath the surface. 5% of what we do, we do consciously. 95% of what we do, we do subconsciously. So, we don’t realize that we don’t recognize that we’re participating in these self-sabotaging behaviors a lot of the time.
[06:54] Fear is not choosy. It can show up as a worthiness issue, a fear of visibility, or fear of failure. It’ll show up for the whole spectrum for us. What happens is we have this known place of being and then the self-sabotaging habits and behaviors come out when we attempt to step out of the known.
[07:50] Our brain deletes, distorts, and generalizes everything that we hear, see, and experience based on our beliefs. And those beliefs come to us very young. They come in from all around and you absorb them from your parents, the world, the media … you’re absorbing them all the time and they’re getting through based on the filters that you already have in place.
[08:49] When you go to launch your business or take this next level, all of a sudden you’re up against this wall, this invisible wall of fear of the unknown and you’re not sure why. And so as you push into that wall, these self-sabotaging habits come up unconsciously.
[09:46] The limiting beliefs that we have are masquerading as protections. The limiting beliefs is what then makes the self-sabotage also kick in as a habit that we’re not realizing (*ahem* doom scrolling!).
[10:40] Instead of of asking “why?” Ask “what?” What is causing me to do this thing? Or what is causing me not to do this thing? What is stopping me from achieving this? When did I all of a sudden not want to take this step? Ask better questions to yourself because you’ll get better answers.
[12:28] When we’re dreaming of where we want to go, why is a great question. We tell ourselves a story when we ask why. And that’s fine for dreaming. It’s not helpful for determining why we didn’t do something. So, ask when, what, how.
[14:23] Procrastination: we do it also to protect ourselves from our own thoughts. Mindi says, “If I have to confront myself and be alone with my thoughts, what might I think? What might I say? What might I notice? And instead, if I could just keep my brain busy doing something else, then I don’t have to look at myself or my relationship or my house or the work that I haven’t done, or the deadlines that are looming.”
[16:17] If you’re finding yourself in any self-sabotaging behavior, like how quickly do you make a decision and how confident are you in the decision that you make? This is you not trusting yourself. These things are questioning our worth.
[17:04] We know when we cross the line. We know when we’re in analysis paralysis, when we’re overthinking, when we’re indecisive. When we’re recognizing these behaviors, then we can notice that and ask ourselves, “what am I protecting myself from? What do I think I need protection from in this?”
[18:45] Your brain wants you to be right. So, the more you say things that don’t serve you, the more you get things that don’t serve. You think a thought over and over again, habitually it becomes an “I am.” It becomes a belief. So, you’re now filtering through this belief. It creates emotions, sensations, and you create habits to prove it to yourself.
[21:05] Get curious about who you’re being and then make a choice about who you want to be. Who would I be? Who would I get to be? What are the gains and what are the losses? So, you’re just gonna start asking again really good questions so that we get way better answers than “why, why am I doing this?”
[25:20] People can get caught up in making a decision. What if instead you made a choice, you experienced the choice, and then you assess and you either made another choice or then you decided based on data? It creates this whole new space and expansiveness and you start filtering in a very different way. That is how we retrain our brain into giving new meaning to things.
[27:49] This is about falling in love with the process of becoming. That’s where the magic is. We create these outcomes. I wanna be operating in the actual result, not just what I say I want, but what I’m actually going to get. When we’re operating that way, they are this beautiful milestone of us becoming. Say, “I am the woman or man who …”
[30:22] When you want to create something new, your smart goals are missing an ingredient. They are not aligning your subconscious. They are strictly your logical conscious brain, 5%.
[31:20] Think in pictures and sounds and feelings. What is that going to look like when you achieve the outcome you want? We’re connecting up, aligning up with the moment of becoming.
[33:39] Start noticing what’s working, what’s good and looking at data as data, not a sentence like a prison sentence that you’re always gonna be x, y, z. It’s data. It doesn’t mean anything about you as a human. It’s showing you what is working, what isn’t working, what could use some tweaks, what you get to leave behind and find something new.
[37:54] The most important step in creating what we want is knowing what we want. And when we say, “I want this, I want to write a book.” Why? Why is that important? We want to go seven why’s deep so that we are so clear, it’s so compelling. Nothing is going to stop us from showing up more often than not as the woman who creates this outcome.
[39:41] Mindset is your relationship with something. What is your relationship with money, with clients, with asking for the sale, with all of those things. When you think about the other side of that. What is your relationship with time and the time that you think you need to grow a successful business to do the work that you do?
[40:25] Your mindset around it is what gets to have work done. The things that you get to reframe, the beliefs that you get to shift. Your identity is you knowing that you can change your mindset or relationship with something.
Mentioned on this Episode
Related Links
- The Overlooked—But Obligatory—Entrepreneur Mindset Shift
- 6 Steps for Overcoming Business Challenges
- Let Go of Productivity Guilt
- Finding Your Healthy Work Schedule
Must-Hear Takeaways
As with every episode, we highly encourage you to listen to the entire conversation! But, here are a few of the highlights:
“Negative self-talk is the number one self-sabotaging behavior that high achieving women specifically engage in subconsciously without realizing it.” – Mindi
“It’s not like we make a change and then from then on we’re perfect. We have to keep practicing making that choice as we go. It’s not going to be a one and done thing.” – Nicki
“Rewiring your brain is not taking out fear of everything. It’s like finding courage. It’s finding some bravery to confront the habit that has been happening over and over and over again without knowing.” – Mindi
“Where do we get to find more ease, more joy, where we’re more lit up? What we anticipate and what we expect. Once we start looking for ways to be lit up, that awful job or whatever that is, that chore, you’ll start being able to see it in a different light.” – Mindi
“I get to start asking myself who do I want to be? And what would it look like to get there? And knowing that is vital.” – Mindi
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About the Energize Your Online Business Podcast
Are you sick of the stress, chaos, and risk of trying to keep up with the next big thing in digital marketing? And what about the confusion of trying to scale, build a team, and still try to make sure your business is worth the effort it takes to run it? You are not alone.
Join Nicki Krawczyk, a 20-year marketing veteran and owner of a multi-seven-figure-per-year digital training company and her co-host Kate Sitarz as they bust through the online business industry echo chamber to talk about how to make consistent, predictable sales and how to scale your business with simple and stress-free systems.
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